“So how are you?”, I hear this older lady ask a young widow. Silence..”I mean how are you…really?” I want to grab the young widow up to me and whisk her away from this well meaning lady, but I cannot. I stand there and say a silent prayer that God continues to give the young lady strength. More strength than she even thinks is possible, because some days-there is really no answer to that question “HOW ARE YOU?”
Over my many years as a funeral director, whether I am helping a family plan funeral arrangements, meeting a wife for the first time as her husband lies near, dying with cancer or working a funeral, I hear the same comments and questions. Often people want to reach out to help the sad and grieving; they fumble with what to say, muttering pleasantries as they look down or other times, they ask THE “How are you really” question to an overwhelmed loved one that has no clue how to answer that question.
My thoughts as a funeral services professional? Talk less and love more. You don’t always have to speak, to ask questions that have no adequate answer to comfort a hurting loved one or friend. You can simply reach out and hug them, squeeze their hand and look them in the eye. Let them know that you see those tears falling and you are right there beside them reassuring them that you won’t ever be that far away. Letting one person’s soul speak to another is something that makes us uniquely human, do it more and do it often, especially when dealing with a grieving friend.
